The Elimination of Fear As Life In Art

Do you think if we could eliminate fear from our bodies minds and our hearts, that this could be the end to all suffering and war? Are we as a humanity ready for such an evolutionary jump, or does fear have it's benefits? After all, it does serve a purpose. It’s a useful tool to have in listening to our instincts in flight or fight situations. It’s usually fear that brings on the alert button for just cause. It is also the high rise of fear in our lives and society that is making our bodies literally sick. It is also this same alert button for unjust cause that can stop us at the brink of change in our lives and in our creativity. It’s usually the change itself we fear. It requires us to take risks, and often we humans would rather stick to what we know tried and true thank you very much.

So how do we stay in the flow, get out of our own way and discover the adventure of change?

I  have always found it fascinating to watch workshop participants and students in the classroom approach a painting as if their life depended on it. When were not willing to make mistakes, we cause pain only to ourselves.

 When we approach a drawing or painting we often bring to the surface all our daily thoughts, fears, hopes, ambitions and even failures. Approaching the canvas with are shadow, hopes and fears. As if our life did depend on it, and it kinda does. In  a process painting were being gifted the opportunity to do just that, settle into our core self and experience our response mechanisms to life on a piece of paper or canvas. Our creations can become our greatest teachers for the practice of life. All we need to do is stay present, experience the emotion, flow through it, and watch the change.

Here is a short story of one of my travel adventures in where my insecurity and holding back got me absolutely nowhere. Where life meets us halfway when we pay attention to the lesson.

Fear Will Get Us Nowhere

I barely make the bus from Guanajuato to San Miguel De Allende.

As I am boarding -I think to myself,  “I should of peed first, I kinda have to pee”.

As the driver reeves up—I realize I definitely need to pee, and I am the last one on. —Not wanting to make a bus full of people wait for me while the driver is revving up --- Actually the truth being I was still feeling shy expressing Spanish, especially with a bus full of people staring at me. My mind was racing---say it!! ---This turns into a long-winded thought process with myself standing at the front of the bus --all eyes on me. –“Disculpeme,”(in which I can not help but to remember—that every time I have used this word people think I have said spit –ie.“Escupir”, when I am just trying to say excuse me. I go on in my head “yo neccesito usar el bano, espera me por favor. Then I think again, or is it esperamente por favor? (Please, wait for me) oh forget it!

 I slink to the back of the bus, awed by my sudden insecurity that will definitely get me nowhere, and strictly informing myself, “ I can make it, it’s only an hour and a half”. Remember to breathe, really breathe.

 O.k. so an hour has gone by and it’s no longer “ I kinda have to pee”.The searing pain- is- pure—anguish-- I cannot take it any longer. This bus is on a mission to nowhere fast on winding upward roads ---no stopping here.

Damn, I wish I had a cup, a bottle, anything-!!!-I look on at the discarded bottles on the side of the road with envy, as we drive on by at 6o miles per hour. “Will over matter, will over matter, will over matter” it’s my new mantra.

Ten more excruciating minutes go by.
I now frantically begin searching my backpack, aha a plastic baggie holding the contents of shampoo/conditioner. “I’ surrender. I swear I no longer had a choice over the matter, matter over will, game over. I begin the act of non-chalantly maneuvering my pants down (why did I not wear a skirt??) crouching down as best I could without being caught by intruding glances, squat, --- pee --- thank god! Of course it half leaked onto the bus floor, now close the baggie. Now what?  Throw out open window—I can only hope nobody smells this on the floor or worse; I splatter a donkey or a person on the open winding road. — Whew. I can now resume my practice of learning to breathe, and to just speaking Spanish, whatever form that takes.